Snot, poop, and other fun things....

So, a lot of people back home always ask me how I am liking teaching English in Korea. I thought I would give you guys an example of a day in my life at school that happened recently.

****These are just cute pictures that I took in class. This blog is not about any one of them. There are many more students than this is my class.  These are, however, a few of my favorites!****

One random Tuesday or something a couple of weeks ago, some of my children tried to put me in the grave. Maybe not physically, but mentally for sure.

Class had started we were all in the gym, which is a big room where we have "song and dance time", when some of my students randomly started coming up to me and saying something in Korean. So, being that I had no clue what they were saying and they had no clue how to tell me in English what they were saying, we continued with our songs. We went back to the classroom and started learning all about the letter "D", all the while the students are still saying this thing in Korean and I am telling them "I do not speak Korean!!" I do make several attempts to figure out what they are saying, but geezzz, I didn't know. I asked them, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" "Do you want water?" They stared back blankly at my face. These sweet little angels can make a grown up feel like the dumbest idiot on the face of the earth with their looks they give you. This time was no different; they were looking at me like I was an alien that just walked into their world. As I tried to continue the lesson, the students at this point, are damn-near chanting this phrase that sounded like "Shinanboyahya". So my classroom had gradually turned into what I thought was perhaps a cultish chant party for 4 year olds, instead of learning that "dog" started with "d". So, the kids are all staring at me with these eyes that demand attention and chanting "Shinanboyahya....Shinanboyahya....Shinanboyahya". It began to sound more like "Shinanboyahhhhhhyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa". All the while, I'm still trying to get them to repeat the word "dog" and "donkey".  One little girl, I will call her Miss Priss, is standing up in her chair, which is really not abnormal for her. She does what she wants. She was looking at me, but then I noticed she had her chin propped up on her little hand, with her elbow leaning on the desk, as she stood in her chair. Her eyes were gazed toward the ceiling with a look of blissful release and that's when it hit me. So I rushed over to her, grabbed her up and ran her to the bathroom. Another Korean teacher took her to help her go to the bathroom, but like I expected, she had already gone...in her pants. Two of the other little girls quickly ran to the bathroom once they figured out that it was okay. So she comes back, all smiles, ready to have story time with all the other kids on the carpet in the classroom, with a stylish new pair of pajama pants on. Rounding these kids up for story time is real, real fun. After we were all on the carpet, another little girl, Miss Sneaky, sat on one side of me, sneezed directly at my face, wiped the snot coming out of her nose, and then grabbed my hand. On the other side of me is the little boy that makes my life a living hell (seriously, do not underestimate a 4 year old). He began, like always, sticking two fingers up his nose and pulling out whatever he could find, as far up as he could find it. And then of course, he proceeds to eat everything he pulled out of his nose. Now, this kid is serious about his nose-picking and clearly enjoys the taste of what comes out because it doesn't matter to him whether he pulls something really snotty out or not, he is going to lick every single one of his fingers for any remnants that may be left on them from his nose. So, on this day, he happened to be having an awesome day for himself and his never-ending quest for snot because he pulled out the most slimy, glistening, 2 inch, stringy piece of snot that you can imagine. The look on his face when he looked at his finger was like he had just found the golden ticket to the Willy Wonka factory. He smiled in such a way that you would have thought nothing else could ever make him happier. Now, all of the other kids and myself are staring at him in horror (ok, maybe I was in horror, they were just curious) to see what he was going to do with it. Well, we wouldn't have to wonder long because he lapped it up like a thirsty dog and licked his lips clean, but only after licking all his other fingers, of course. So, as I am trying to swallow my own gags, I put my hands over my mouth and said "OH------MY-------GOD, the students quickly did the same thing as me and started giggling about it. Not one minute after this, Miss Sneaky said, "Shinanboyaaahaaaaa", so of course I took her to the bathroom. I came back thinking I would read the story, but was met immediately with  Miss Priss saying again, "Shinanboyaahaaaa". I leave the other kids in the classroom, so that I can help Miss Priss go to the bathroom. I thought she must not have finished her potty in her pants. So I plopped her up on the potty and waited for her to go pee. Well, it never happened. But what did happen was her sweet, cute, adorable little face turned red and she started grunting and doing some serious work on the potty. By this time, I am starting to feel a little defeated...and really, really dirty. See, being that we don't have children yet, I don't actually come face to face with this type of thing very often. Koreans don't keep an abundance of toilet paper in the bathroom, so I quickly snap out of my shock and realize this is something I will be needing very soon. I go grab the paper, come back and ask her if she is finished. She says, "dayyyyyy" which means yes in Korean so I hand her some tissue paper and she looks at it like she has never seen such in her life. I tell her what to do with it and she hands it back to me and says something very adamently in Korean. Realizing she would not be wiping herself, I peered over her to see what I was up against. Are you serious?! This is sooo not what I signed up for!!!! I haven't even had the pleasure of wiping my own child's dirty little ass yet! Soooo, I do it, of course I do it! I am an adult and I can do whatever my job requires of me! Haha...I'm chanting this to myself at this point...or either I am telling myself what my mother always told me in bad situations..."this too shall pass". So, as I am kneeling on the ground...in a bathroom (and if you know me and my slightly germophobic tendencies, you know the state of mind I must be in). I mean, it can only go up from here, right?! I am about to pull Miss Priss's pants up and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and I am now face-to-face with a four year old's little uncircumsized weiner, just flapping at my face. He is staring at me and says "Shinanboyaaahhaaaa". I almost knock Miss Priss over trying to get away from the little guy and his little buddy that's hanging in my face, staring at my nose... because it is, for some reason, bringing up my horrific fear of parasitic worms. I told him "OMG just goooo to the bathroom, you don't have to ask me...OR show me!!!!!!"

Really, I mean really? Thank God class was almost over. I needed a glass of wine or ten, some deep meditation, and a long shower with a lot of soap.

This post should tell you two things:

1. I do not like to teach tiny children that cannot understand me, that pick their noses with an odd passion, and that cannot wipe their own ass.

2. I am in no way, shape, or form, a teacher at heart.

Okay 3...I am deathly afraid of worms.