Over. It.

Do you ever feel like your body is failing the shit out of you?? I mean, not just failing you, but really, really punching you with a fist full of suck right in the middle of your stomach?

No? Well, good for you. Bleh. Yes? Me too!!

This past month has been one of the most scary/disappointing/trying/emotional stupid months I have had in a long time. No, I don't feel like detailing it. I'm fine and I'm sure I'll blog your heads off about it later, but for now, I'll just say test after test after test for varying reasons and I am over it. And while there has been some good news to come out of the tests, its mostly just "This isn't normal." "This isn't working correctly." "This is doing a back flip in your stomach instead of the front flip that we like to see this particular organ doing." And blah blah blah.

Anyway, I thought that perhaps some of you have wanted to trade out your body for a different one before and wanted you to know that you are, in fact, not alone.

Ugh. Putting up my two middle fingers today. And, its raining.

Looking for someone? This may help!

Remember, if your sense of humor is hiding and has been for the last 10 years, this isn't the place for you, little pumpkin.

Here's what I think--

The more one talks about, advertises, and tries to convince others that they:

a) are a wonderful example of a Christian
b) are in the greatest relationship ever known to man
c) shop all the time
d) are so busy that they don't know what to do
e) have an exciting life
f) are working out every day all day
g) have a lot of money
h) ate a healthy meal

....the more I know that they:

a) can be found at a bar with a hooker the night before church
b) can be found, ahem, anywhere but together in a year or two and in the meantime, probably with the wonderful example of a Christian above and yes, the hooker too
c) can be found at yard sales in wealthy neighborhoods (no, nothing wrong with that!), fighting with their husband about money on any given day, getting served divorce papers
d) can be found on the couch 20 hours a day
e) can be found on the couch crying 20 hours a day
f) can be found maybe at a gym staring at themselves in a mirror, but probably in the vicinity of the couch
g) can be found arguing with their partner about money, divorcing their partner for spending all their money, divorcing their partner because he/she no longer has any money, or the most likely answer, working as a janitor and selling drugs on the side.
h) can be found at the greasiest food place in town, then on their couch with powdered donuts all over their face

The point is...people that have and are and do, simply do not feel the need to gush about what they have and what they do and what they are and how many crunches their monstrous abs did today at the gym or how much their boyfriend loves them, or how busy they are.

I'm gonna go to bed now...I have a super busy day tomorrow that I have to prepare for. So if you're looking for me...I'll be with all the busy people.

Respectfully Yours

So, before we got to Korea, I didn't google "Korean culture and traditions" or anything. For some strange reason, I wasn't the least bit interested even before I got here as to what this place was about. I did have about a thousand or so hits on google for my search "koreans eat dogs" though. Somehow, this was the beginning and end to my interest in Korea and their culture. Now, I am not trying to say that all their culture and traditions are bobo; I am just saying that upon learning about their taste for dog, I closed some all of the doors that led to my giving a shit about them. Ok, moving on. Despite the fact that I did not attempt to learn about Koreans, this was inevitable upon arriving here. I learned a lot as I worked in the school. I learned to take my super cute shoes off and trade them in for a pair of communal, hideous, 2 sizes too big, blue or red slippers (thanks for the choice, guys...really, really, thoughtful) which more times than I can count, caused me to trip and on a daily basis and made me wear a face of disgust. Why? Why do they make you wear these pathetic shoes that ruin your day? One reason, respect. Another reason, they don't want to bring the outside grossness into their house. Okay, I can deal with these...but only because I have to. My thoughts on this??? Hmm, let's see. First of all, why do I have to respect you and take off my shoes when clearly you don't respect the fact that I want to wear my own shoes and not share with a bunch of people who I don't even know if they took a bath today!! To combat feet fungus, I wore socks....every single day...no matter what I was wearing, socks came with me in my purse to school, so that I could put them on to go with my stylish slippers. After a while, who cares what your wearing because you are about to ruin that cute dress with a freaking pair of socks and bright blue slippers!! Infuriated...every single day about this which leads me to my second thought about this. Sometimes, I chose to only sport my socks around and not wear the slippers. Why not, right? The floor is clean because nobody is allowed to walk around in there with shoes on, including the guy working on the toliet or fixing the air conditioner or bringing a new supply of water (since you can't drink the water here thanks to some parasite...yippiee!) Anyway, all these poor fools are walking around with no shoes on! It just looks so strange and is just gross to me. So, back to the clean floor...I just wear my socks since this has clearly got to be cleaner than any floor ever. Wrong!!! Not true at all. I get home the first day of wearing my socks at school, and it looks like I've been slipping and sliding all over the dirtiest Piggly Wiggly in the south for 100 hours! WTF? Can someone please explain the damn logic behind this? Like most everything else here, there is no freaking logic. It is pointless.

Koreans also have this hierarchy system when it comes to walking on a sidewalk or...anywhere for that matter. It is respectful and expected for you to move out of the path of anyone that is older than you. So, if a person that's older than you is walking toward you on the sidewalk, then you move over and let them pass. It doesn't sound that bad, right? Well, its not, until one of them purposefully steps into your pathway just to make you move out of their way and show their superiority. This is definitely up there on my list of "I hate all these things about this place". While running with the dogs the other day, this older-than-me man was walking towards me and this older-than-him couple was walking in front of me, going the same direction I was. So, ra-tard, moves out of the way for the couple in front of me and quickly steps right back in my path. I'm thinking, "little buddy, this aint tha day"...haha! Now, I have stayed in the same place as I have been running the entire time. He was on the other side of the sidewalk before, but moved across the sidewalk just to walk in my path. So, what had happened was...he got smashed into. I mean, really dude, really?!?!? I was just trying to get a little jog on with my dogs and forget that I am living in this freaking place, which is impossible, by the way, because I have to launch myself over piles of trash, rotten food, and puddles of phlegm as I run...but hey, that's not so bad, huh?! Anyway, Ra-tard got what he deserved in my opinion. And before you go getting your feathers ruffled, it wasn't like he was some wrinkled old man, hunched over with brittle bones and a crooked back, just barely making his way down the sidewalk or anything! He wasn't that old. Gah. The only thing that would have made it better is if my dog would've nipped his ankle. *evil laugh*

Ok well, I've done enough bashing for one blog entry I guess. The point is, there is no point to most of this and that respecting others here is a one-way street. Give respect and get....to smell and see the gutter that is this country.  

nothing is easy...dogs and kimchi

So, like I knew it would be...its proven extremely hard (impossible) to find someone to groom Zeus and Fritz here. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I was googling "koreans eat dogs" 6 months before we came here! This is a real problem!...aside from my fear that instead of grooming them, they will roast them for dinner to eat along with their rotten vegetables that they bury under the ground for a few weeks, then dig up and call it kimchi (or maybe they used their high-tech kimchi fridge to rot their veggies). Either way, slimy, fermented cabbage, with a little dog on the side. Gross. Anyway! There are no groomers on base, and even when I asked the vet to recommend a Korean groomer off base, they said "Ummm, we can't do that." Ha! It wasn't like I needed much of a reason not to trust Korean dog groomers, but that was all it took. Thankfully, Luke is like one of those handy pocket knives that you get that has all kinds of little helpful devices that fold out from all sides of it; and it turns out, he has some serious dog grooming skills. And I mean that in like a "roaring, beat your chest, scratch your balls, burp really loud" manly kind of way. His dog grooming skills are very manly. Now, ladies...if you haven't found a guy that will groom your dog, cook you dinner, and rub your back while watching the latest Reese Witherspoon flick, you are clearly living your life the wrong way.
And for the record, I was picky about dog groomers in America too! Gahhhh. I know what you're thinking and I know you are judging me for using the words their and they. But the fact is, I am not a Korean and they are Koreans. There is a difference. And seriously, some of them eat dogs. So there.

Also, just in case you wondered what two very bored miniature schnauzers look like...

They drag all their toys out daily...and even their winter sweaters some days. Life is hard for all of us over here in kimchi country.