Diagnosis...delusional.

Last week I found a lump on Zeus' shoulder. Now, being the panic disorder person that I am, I freaked out. Ok, I haven't been medically diagnosed with panic disorder, geezzz! But I do panic...and it does cause disorder in my life a whole lot. Anyway, back to the lump. So, I am nervously feeling around trying to diagnose "the best dog in the world-another animal could not possibly hold a candle to this dog", all the while trying to keep calm on the outside and to hide just how crazy my mind goes at the thought of something bad. He has had cysts before, but this was no cyst. I knew what a cyst felt like, and this was not a cyst!!!!(my mind racing). Luckily, I had an appointment with the vet already scheduled to get the dogs' nails trimmed the following week, so I tried to put it in the back of my mind until then. In all actuality, I diagnosed Zeus with cancer the second my fingers felt the lump in the first place, but in accordance with the rules and regulations of sane people, I attempted to look on the bright side of things and realize that it was probably nothing....Didn't work for me. The next few days went by, but the fact that my dog had a cancerous lump on his shoulder lurked in the front of my mind. He seemed super tired and his eyes looked so much more sad than his normal eyes did. "Omg, its the cancer", I thought. Then last night, the night before his appointment at the vet, he threw up. This was going right along with my diagnosis. I was so worried about my little buddy! Today was the appointment at the vet. I got Zeus and Fritz ready to go, dreading what I was going to hear about Zeus. As the vet examined him, I told her about the lump. She felt around and found it. She was really quiet and she examined the lump for what felt like 10 minutes before she said something. She just looked at me and said, "I'll be right back". I nervously waited and she appeared back in the room with a small device. I held Zeus and got ready for the bad news. The device beeped and she made a diagnosis. Zeus' cancer was........his microchip. That's right folks. His microchip. I am such a neurotic, crazy lady that I diagnosed my dog's microchip as a cancerous lump. What is wrong with me?! I don't know, but whatever it is...its exhausting. Wowzers.

On another note, its Valentine's Day today and Lucas sent me flowers :) And even though I pretend to be a cold-hearted biatch that grimaces at nice gestures and doesn't like anything sweet or sappy, my heart smiled when I saw them. Thank God for Luke, who never fails to ride the waves of insanity with me and who gives me flowers to stare at instead of a cancerous microchip on my dog's shoulder.

When your glass is always empty...and someone near you always has bad breath...

Ok, so I am innately a negative person. I meet people and I see their flaws before their good qualities. I find ten reasons not to like them before I can find one reason to tolerate them. I walk into a room and I am the first one to notice if someone ate garlic...or kimchi as is the case in good ole Korea or if the lighting is bad or if the music sucks, etc...etc. I am plagued by this keen sense of the negative. Not to say that I don't find the positives as well, but they are usually not the first things I point out. Does this suck about me? Yes. Is it a major personality flaw? Yes. So, I am trying to make strides to tweak my flaws a bit. It seems very simple. But I am telling you, when I walk up to someone and the first thing I see is that their left nostril is bigger than the right or that their nose is taking a slight left turn instead of pointing straight, what do I do? I don't notice these things intentionally, geez. And I am not just talking about looks either. The vastness of the things I can talk about in a negative way is monumental. Like, Luke and I just went to Japan which was awesome no doubt, but one day we were "exploring". Well, to me, that consisted of walking around a parking lot for 30 minutes after we'd just spent an hour climbing a mountain to see a castle. It didn't feel adventurous and it didn't feel much like roaming around a jungle finding new and exciting things. My legs felt like they were going to fall completely off and I was about to start searching for fresh water that had rallied on a leaf somewhere because I was dying of thirst, so I said, "what are we gonna do next?...I'd like to be doing anything but this" and Bam! Negative Nelly reared her ugly face. I mean here we are, exploring a new country (parking lot) and I want to be doing something else (sitting and drinking water...and shopping maybe). I'm trying to look on the bright side of life, but its hard ya know? Its like being constipated for a week, but telling yourself you should be thankful that you have the opportunity to be constipated because there are starving children in Africa who would love to be constipated right now. See? It just doesn't work well for me. Anyway, my blog may turn into my "bitch it out" place, so if you don't want to hear it, then don't read it I guess. I really, really want to be sunshine and rainbows, but damnit, its just not in me. I do, however, want to stop noticing long nose hairs, spoiled bratty children, inattentive husbands with roaming eyes, dingy curtains on buses, and bad smells...to name a few.

I have to mention, that there is a house next to our apartment here that is right across the wall from us, made out of I don't know what all, cardboard, plywood, old plastic tables, and maybe some car doors or something. This house has a mile long pipe coming from its roof that constantly puts out smoke. Now, as if its not bad enough that it is 1 degree outside and I am out at midnight taking the dogs out, I have to wade through this thick, nasty ass smoke and inhale the most gut-wrenching stench while doing it. I know, I know, its sad that people live in something like that, but more importantly, what the hell are they burning in there? I am so tired of coming back inside smelling like a mixture of roasted pig asshole, baked cow intestines, and burnt hair that I just don't know what to do.

Here's to making lemonade out of lemons... :-/