A Festival and a Fail

Happy Monday? No. I didn't think so.

We went to the Temecula Valley Wine and Balloon Festival yesterday. And while we missed the 6 am launch of the balloons (throw my sucker in the dirt and kick it), we did not miss the wine part.

Umm, should we be worried? Does this show us a glimpse into her future?

Yesterday was also the San Diego Half Marathon. We missed that, however, about 8 months into my pregnancy, I hear my cell phone beep one day while Husband was at work. As I reached for my phone, I realized I'd have to get out of my current position to be able to reach it. So I lurched myself to the left, then I used some other muscles to lurch myself to the right--this continued until I had enough momentum to roll my whale-sized belly onto my actual side, after which I roll down off of the couch and onto my knees on the floor. Then I used the ottoman to push myself up to standing--hearing my poor knees cracking the whole time. My dogs sat nearby, watching--the only thing missing was a box of popcorn and a soda because they were clearly entertained by the scene I was creating. Anyway, I finally made it over to my phone even though I was out of breath and saw that my dear husband had sent me a schedule of all the 5Ks, 10Ks, and half marathons we would be participating in the upcoming year. The rest is history really, I walked calmly to the laundry room where my husband keeps some tools, located the hammer and smashed my phone to death. After which I sat waiting on my husband to get home from work, hammer in hand. 

NO, y'all! I'm kidding! But you probably believed me didn't you!? I'm sure I've convinced you all how insanely scarily crazy I really am. 

Anyway...he got home and asked if I received the schedule that he sent me to which I replied, "Yes." I waited for laughter or at least a "oh giant pregnant wife who hasn't slept or pooped in 78 months, I'm just kidding."---this didn't happen. Quickly, I realized he was serious. This mother effer was serious. Pride took over and I went along with the plan...knowing that even before pregnancy, I wasn't much of a runner--like, at all. To say that I loathe running would be a small understatement. I like the results of running, but unfortunately the results never outweighed the horrendous hate of the actual act. 

Fast forward to 6 weeks postpartum. Husband says, "Can't you workout again now?" Daggers shot towards him out of my eyes. "Because I googled and it says that women can workout as soon as they feel like it after birth." 

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Well in that case, I guess I'll put on my running shoes, buddy. So I ran. After all, we were training for the dang Iron Man so I needed to be ready! To his defense ladies, (because I know you are appalled at his suggestion and your jaws are probably dragging the ground while you google how-to-build-a-bomb-and-send-it-in-an-envelope-to-this-bitch's-husband) he didn't mean I *needed* to work out, body-wise. He was actually very complimentary about my giant pregnant belly and body afterwards. And if you know him, this is probably surprising. He just wanted us to both to do these damn marathons. What can I say? He's a planner. And an idea guy. And a go-getter. Which happens to be my polar opposite. It makes life interesting to say the least.

.......SO I'm running. He's in front of me with the dogs AND the stroller and I'm quickly falling behind. 

It was a bummer and I was questioning my sanity, but it was good to pretend to have the freedom of my body back after 10 long months. And, umm, just in case you are going to start running again soon after having a baby----heads up, you may be absolutely certain that your uterus is falling out of your vagina. I mean, you may not. You may be one of those women that don't feel like they've left their reproductive organ in the middle of the street--and for that we, other women, hate you. So shut up. And go away. And if your uterus didn't feel similar to what I would assume over-full cow udders feel as the cow is running for its life from a crocodile then lucky you, Miss Uterus of the Freaking Year. 

Fast forward to a few weekends ago--about 5 months after having Baby T. And how is my training going? Umm, its not going. I hate running! I admit it. I can't make myself WANT to do it! But, a tiny little 5K is coming up and I totally forgot that I signed us up. WTH was I thinking? Its the Coronado Bay Bridge Run. What's that you ask? Its this:

source

So, there we were. Waking up balls early to go run over this bridge. I was less than excited. I'd never done any kind of organized run before so I didn't know what to expect. I thought about feigning illness--not because I didn't want to do the run (because who were we kidding? I knew I'd probably walk a lot of it) but because I was scared we would get bombed. I don't like big crowds anyway and I was convinced there would be a shooter or something crazy happen. Gawd, y'all...what is wrong with meeee? I'm one of those people that looks normal but I'm not! At. all. 

Because I wouldn't take Baby T without her carseat in the shuttles that were taking people from Coronado over the bridge into downtown San Diego (where the race started), we were forced to drive...and find parking in the chaos. Husband is a real stickler for punctuality and told me the night before we had to leave by 7:14 am. "Not 7:15," he said, "We need to be in the car at 7:14." 

"Okay," I nodded, wide-eyed, implying I understood the necessity of being at the "race" on time. Welllllll..............we departed at 7:24ish. Wah wahhh. Fail. Husband was annoyed and I didn't have the slightest clue what the big deal was. It wasn't like we were actually running the race portion. 

Turns out, he knew best. We spent the entire time behind the elderly walkers. I mean I was cheering them on, but it doesn't do much for your self-esteem to be behind them let me tell you. Shamefully enough, I was still hideously tired at the end of it.