Single and ready to....

pass the fu&k out.

The husband was out of town this week. He likes to tell me how much he works and how long his days are and how hard the wind blows and how bad it hurts to get sand in his eyes. He's in the desert, yes. He is also hanging out with a bunch of dudes, blowing shit up. Now, I could be wrong, but that mostly sounds like any guys dream week. Not only do they get a break from their lovely wives, but they also get to be warriors and bomb the hell out of things with no repercussions.

Doesn't he look cool and important and yummy and warrior-istic? 

Oh, me? What did I do while he was away besides long for his return? (I wouldn't even read all the crap that I'm about to type out if I were you.) 

Wake up, feed the baby, change the baby, walk the dogs, scold Fritz for trying to fight two dogs, scold Fritz for biting his brother because he couldn't get to said dogs, soothe screaming mad baby because she wants to take a nap but doesn't actually want to take a nap, brush my teeth, workout, stop halfway through, feed baby, change baby, pet the dog, talk sweet to the dog because of my guilt for ignoring dog, watch dog scoot his butt across the floor for the 1700th time, make a note to call the vet, spray anti-itch oil on dog's butt, then blow on it so it will dry before he licks it off, eat a protein bar, warm coffee from 3 hours earlier, forget it in the microwave, wonder what the microwave really does to our food, coo at baby, love on the baby, try to sing a song but I don't know one, feed the baby, rock the baby, she backhands me, I rock more and harder, she screams, she's mad, she pokes me in the eye, I rock and rock, baby falls asleep, I creep to the crib to lay her down, she wakes up bright-eyed and laughs at me, I take a shower, feed baby, change baby, walk the dogs, the same dog that Fritz tried to bite this morning is in front of our house again, wish ill-will on the old lady who walks her perfectly well-behaved dog next to my house, bring dogs back home, continue walking baby, walk faster to get nervous energy out, come home, take trash out while baby sleeps in stroller, baby wakes up, hold baby while I pee because now we apparently have terrible separation anxiety...feed baby, play with baby........................microwave a potato and drink wine from a bottle after baby goes to bed.

Right back at ya, husband.