The Month of Thanking

Welp, its November and time for another season where we are supposed to be thankful. I am full of gratitude for so many things, but have such mixed emotions about it all. Truth is, I AM thankful for everything I have. And! I may even participate in the ridonkulous facebook challenge that everyone is participating in. I thought about doing it last year and just couldn't decide what to put as my first day of thankfulness for fear of not having my priorities in proper order. I'm still on the fence about it this year and I'm already two days late, so that's not a good sign at all...

Anyway. I think I am going to at least blog about my thankful heart, but let me tell you what, its not easy when I know that turkeys everywhere are down to their last days. I mean, come on, of COURSE we are thankful. Its easy to be thankful when you're not about to get stuffed! And let's not forget about the small teeny tiny little fact that we 1000% stole this land from the Native Americans. Yes, let's just celebrate that fact with millions of turkey legs and pie!

But back to facebook. How do you choose what to put first? I thought, "well duh, I put my husband first...that's a no brainer." But then, I thought about my mom. I mean, she PUT me on this earth. How can I not put her first? I wouldn't have a husband to be thankful for if it wasn't for her. But then, I thought about my dogs. I can't not put THEM first, right? They love me unconditionally and that, people, you don't find in unf-urry friends. It's just such a conundrum to me. And what about my other friends..and family. What if I don't thank them until like...I don't know...day 16 or even worse, day 23!?

On the other hand,  I sort of feel like it's boastful to post all about what you have and what you are thankful for on facebook. There is bound to be people less fortunate, less happy, less spoiled, less whatever that read your look-at-everything-I-have-and compare-it-to-what-you-don't-have-and-then-go-sit-in-your-dark-closet-alone-and-try-to-convince-your-neck-to-swallow-your-head. For example, there always some person on my facebook bragging about their husband being the best in the world...and its usually because they made dinner or something of the liking. But, MY husband makes me dinner almost every single solitary night AND he does the dishes. But if I were to post that on facebook, then that would make all these women who think they have the best husband in the world because they made one meal realize that they actually don't have it that great. Ehh, I just don't know y'all.

What I'm trying to say is that today I am thankful for my husband, my mom, and my the-best-dogs-in-the-world dogs...in no particular order. Geez.

Tootles!

Getting crafty!

Sometimes, instead of getting sassy, I get crafty. I dragged the husband to Micheal's craft store yesterday because I wanted to make a fall wreath to hang on our gate. He sat and played a game on his phone and I shopped for fake flowers to shove into a wreath. I checked the prices of the pre-made wreaths and they were between $30 and $45 dollars, depending on the size. I got the plain wreath for $4.99 and all the fall-colored flowers were 50% off. I ended up spending around $20 and it turned out so much better than the pre-made ones at the store.

It is crazy easy to make. You just pick your flowers and your wreath size. Cut the stems off the flowers using wire cutters. leaving enough stem that you can work and weave into the wood of the wreath and position the flowers wherever you'd like.

Point is...make your own wreath!

Happy "HOWL"oween!!

I've taken a bit of a blogging hiatus (which is not unusual for me!) But I'm back..for now.

Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year and while many adults dress their children up in fun and cute costumes, I choose to secure my dogs in slightly-too-small-and-most-definitely-too-hot-for-them-costumes with Velcro and bribe them with treats to pose for pictures! (Don't worry PETA, I had the air conditioner on and they only had to pose for a few minutes.)

She is as constant as the sunrise...

 

Last night I had to take a medicine that I had never taken before and true to form, I was slightly worried. Husband is out of town and it was just Zeus and Fritz with me. Well, I was concerned that I would have a reaction and possibly croak from the new medicine so I put extra food and water in the bedroom for the pumpkin dogs in case something unfortunate happened, you know, like my death. (Shut up.) Well....fast forward to me telling my mother what I did and cue hysterical laughter on the other end of the phone....I can always count on her to make me feel better or either make me feel so insanely crazy that I laugh myself back to reality.

 

 

We as people tend to take things that we have readily available to us for granted. I have lived away from my mother for too many years now and I long for the days when I could walk into the next room or drive to her house and see her, although I bet she is probably more than a little relieved that I can no longer pop in unannounced and wreak havoc on her day and ask for some type of food that she undoubtedly would have to go create from scratch in the kitchen. Seriously, I used to have devil horns (yes, used to...) and I was not afraid to use them and bless her, she loved me through it all. My mother deserves a medal for enduring morning after morning of screams and hateful looks from me when she would try to wake me up for school, for being attacked by my hairdryer on numerous occasions because she startled me while I was drying my hair, and for spending half of her life talking me off of the many ledges I climbed up on at any given time. You would think that at 30 years old, I wouldn't need her like I did when I was growing up, but I still do. Every single day. And even though half the time I call her because my head is spinning and hissing snakes are flying out of it or I don't know how to turn on the oven, she never fails to be there for me and make me feel less alone, less crazy, and more like everything will be okay. 

 

 

 

 

Let them eat wood!

That's right, folks. And Happy Thursday to you too.

I can't say that I'm in full blown I hate everyone today mode, but I've been teetering on the hate fence now for about, ohhh...I'd say a good month and a half. (smiling sweetly and sending lots of love to you at work today, husband!....uhh hmmm.) So this little gem of a whatever-these-things-are-that-I-keep-seeing-everywhere seemed very fitting for me. If I'm being honest though, not a day goes by that someone's face doesn't annoy me! And NO. I will not accept those dirty looks you are trying to send me right now. A good HALF of those days its my own face that annoys me.

Anywho. Speaking of annoying...there is a man, a rather hmm, let's just say he's the opposite of squeaky clean and he is wearing about as far from a suit as you can get...well anyway, he's in my bathroom right now...Not USING it!!!...you know, he's just re-attaching our flipping roof that was soggy and moldy and was about to collapse on our heads!!! I mean, I don't want to bore anyone with the details, but basically...I'VE BEEN BREATHING IN MOLD! And so have MY DOGS! And the grey dog, just happens to be ALLERGIC to mold.

We have this really awesome rooftop patio here in good ole California, and naturally there are stairs that lead up to the patio...?? You knew that, right? Well, blah blah..there was a leak and now there is a burly fella in my bathroom repairing it. Well, yes I am happy that the mold is gone, but I mean...who is this person? Not to mention I am here alone with him...of course the wife has to be the one that stays home with the creepsters that come to repair things in our houses. It really would be too much to ask of the husbands to make time in their busy days to do something besides go sit at a desk and pretend they are working. Sorry, see...my husband's sweet angelic face isn't even immune to annoying me. So I'm just sitting here...really hoping that this man is only into repairing bathrooms and such and not into assaulting women or rotisserie-ing dogs.

But before this...before the bathroom repairs came the termite tenting. And when I say termite tenting, I mean that they put a giant tent over your entire house and pump poison gas into the tent to kill the little wood-eaters. We rent, (thank God) and when the property manager (Hi, Mary :)) told us that we had to get out of our house for a weekend, I really didn't think too much of it...that is, until I learned that we had to put everything...and I mean EVERYTHING (okay...just food, toothpaste...medicines, etc.) in these plastic bags and tape them up. And after you empty your pantry and your fridge and your medicine cabinets and your dog's toy box and your house is destroyed and it looks like a bomb went off in your home, thennnnn, you just have to put all the plastic bags inside another plastic bag and tape that up as well. No big deal, right? Ha! You have CLEARLY never had termite treatment, Suzy Sunshine.

So we bagged everything and I secretly threw a lot of stuff away because I thought if we had to take such extreme measures to make sure that everything that would ever go into our mouth was safely in these double-bagged bags, that'd I just assume throw everything away and start over at the grocery store...you know, in hopes of not ingesting something that had absorbed poisonous gas?!? Well, sweet husband had another idea and big-bad-bold-beat-my-chest-man came out and he assured me that he had done the best damn double-bagging job that anybody had ever done before and we were not throwing our food away.

I guess long story short is that when we returned from our weekend away, I let him have the first few bites of everything he cooked that had been bagged up and waited to see if he lived or died. He's still truckin' along so I guess we are okay.

The night we got back home, I googled..a lot...about this poison gas and ended up running outside with my two dogs because I convinced myself that the gas was still in the house. No, I didn't care that the pest control people had walked around with a gas meter and determined that it was safe. I left brave husband sitting right at the kitchen table eating his dinner and got me and the schnauzers outta dodge. Of course I came right back after I called our downstairs neighbor and heard that she was still alive as well. In my defense, they DO mix pepper spray in with the gas to warn people if its leaking or if its still inside the house and everyone's eyes were burning! (and nobody knew that they mixed the pepper spray in with the gas until genius (that's me) googled about it...they were all just sitting around wondering why their eyes were burning). So let me get this straight, the pepper spray that you mixed in with the poisonous gas is still burning our eyes, but there is no way in hell that the poison gas is still in my house? You can see the cause for concern, right? I thought you'd agree with me.

Geez. So I guess what I'm trying to say is...it's not worth it!! Let the little bastards eat the wood.



This is Louie the First, you know, our fish, riding in the console of the Tahoe.
He even had to vacate the house for the weekend.

Now what should I do with this man in my bathroom? I mean, is there an etiquette for this? Should I offer him a cookie or a muffin or something? I'm gonna go google that.

Holy Chickens and Angry Gays

I am almost at a loss for words that it is August 1 already. Where has the time gone?.."The days are long, but the years are short." (Yes, I saw that on Pinterest.) Anyway, I can't believe this was my first thought when I started this blog entry. I guess its all down hill from here (I AM 30 now). Pretty soon I'll be talking about the weather, my blood pressure, and my weekly hair appointments to the hair salon where I get my short bob washed and sausage-roll-curled.

Ehh, but in the mean time...let's talk about Chick-fil-A!! Yes, that should be fun. We will talk about the evil chicken place and everyone will get their feathers ruffled.

So, of course you have heard what that bible-beatin' Dan Cathy said about not agreeing with same-sex marriages?? I'm paraphrasing here, but basically he just said that he thinks we are walking on thin ice with God as we arrogantly try to redefine what marriage is.

Can someone please explain to me why his opinion cannot just be his opinion without everyone getting all red-faced and sweaty? We (and I am using all-inclusive pronouns on purpose here) expect that people of faith respect and accept our decisions/lifestyles/beliefs/desires/sexual preferences/etc/etc/etc, so why does it not go both ways?

Now listen, I've said it before and I'll say it again...I am of the mindset of live and let live. I could not care less who gets married really. It is not up to me to judge and even if it was, I wouldn't. I love everyone...well, as much as I CAN love everyone. But that's not very much as you all should know. Anyway, if God comes down and wants to send every sinner sliding down the slippery slope to hell then that's up to Him. (whatever constitutes a sinner who's sins are worthy enough of going to hell for...that's still up in the air among us humans it seems *rolling my eyes and sighing really loud*)  But regardless, this whole thing is totally ridiculous to me. If he had said something like gay people are not welcome in our establishments, then I can see the outrage, but he didn't say that did he? And really, what did you expect him to say?!? The place isn't even open on Sundays!

Every single person has their opinion on what should and should not be happening. Personally, I think the amount of chickens they kill is completely effing unwarranted and I hate every second of it. I'd like to make it illegal and punishable by death to kill any animal, but despite my efforts to influence those around me and start a mass protest for the animals of the world, my own husband still rummages through the meat selection at the grocery store and gets really excited about a good slab of meat. Not to mention, my dogs both eat venison and turkey dog food.

I know this is not an animal rights post (well, all my posts are animal rights simply because I love animals more than humans and I am writing this damnit!) But anyway, I am just saying that this man, this bastard man!!, said his opinion on something and now we have drawn battle lines about it. And I can't help but think that surely there is something else we can be outraged about?

And no, I am not downplaying the need for equality in the world and I feel strongly that all things (uhhmm, including animals) should be equal regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, and so on and so forth, but is Chick-fil-A really the battle that's going to accomplish this?

Furthermore!!!!, what happened to freedom of speech people!? Geez! Has this damn country lost its mind?? Maybe we shouldn't be called "America" anymore because if we can't even say our opinion then clearly, this is not the land of the free.

This whole thing will eventually calm down and Dan Cathy's comment is not actually going to affect the rights of gay men and women, just as the boycotting and the evil hisses towards Chick-fil-A are not going to shut down the establishment. It stays open because human beings like to sink their carnivorous teeth into a piece or ten of chicken and that's not going to stop just because the president of the company doesn't agree with gay marriage.

Good gawd this is so exasperating. Gay marriage supporters: change doesn't happen overnight! But I mean, don't you know that it WILL happen? I do.

Can't everyone just calm down and be glad that you are a part of the highest group on the food chain and nobody is keeping you in a cage, letting you get just fat enough to eat your ass?

Tootle-oo.

PS. I have on rainbow socks today and am eating a brownie from Chick-fil-A.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

don't say anything at all. Blog about it.

Unfortunately, it is one of those days where I really can't think of much nice to say--shocked, I'm sure. So in order to purge evil thoughts from my mind, I thought I would write a blog.

#1. Nobody, let me repeat that, nobody thinks your kid is as cute as you do. Not me. Not your cousin. Not your neighbor. Nobody. I'm really sorry if this is breaking news to anyone, but it shouldn't be. When bringing your child out into public, perhaps you should keep that in mind. The booger he/she is walking around holding on his/her pointer finger is simply not adorable, and neither is the fact that he just ate it. I would like nothing more than to smack you out of the twilight zone. And have done it over and over in my mind, don't worry.

#2. Perhaps, when a child passes the age of say, hmm, let's just use 18 for fun--yes, when your kid reaches 18, would you kindly remove your breast from his mouth, therefore hopefully allowing some balls to drop? A whiny grown ass adult is so unattractive. I'd rather stare down the face of a fiery, drooling dragon than hear another grown child complain about their poor, pitiful feelings and "all da awpul tings dat are happening to dem." Get over, jackass. Why don't you fake being a grown up like the rest of us and shut the eff up.

#3. Parents, stop coddling your kids. Why? See number 2 above.

#4. Umm, please do not randomly lean over to me at a bar and tell me you wish you had never had your children. You. Ungrateful. Bitch.

#5. If you are above 50 and you still haven't figured out why the hell you were put on the planet, just pretend. You are really making the rest of us lose hope, quickly.

#6. Look at yourself in the mirror for the love of all things good. And let's be realistic, no matter whether your husband says he still sees you as though you were 20, the rest of the world does not and he is lying anyway.

#7. Be able to take the truth. There is a person in my life that just cannot swallow the truth pill. People tell them they are wrong sometimes and this person will not hear of it. I would like you to know that I have mentally shoved my entire arm down your throat at least 7 times today. (In my daydream, I am holding the truth pill in my hand--for those of you needing a more clear picture.)

#8. Juuuust in case you forgot, there are other things of varying degrees of importance going on in the world. I do not care that the salesperson didn't say hello to you when you walked in the door. I do not care that you just baked your husband cupcakes for your one month anniversary, and I don't care that Burger King left the onions off your burger. That was probably a blessing in disguise anyway.

#9. This one is serious. If you look like you just rolled around in a bag of nacho cheese doritos, your skin color is probably not the most suiting. I mean, how can you not see that you look nothing like the rest of the humans walking around?

#10. This isn't helping so I quit.

Thanks for playing! Tootles.

It's a bird..It's a plane..no, no it's not.

Welp, I guess it's time to piss everyone off again...No, hopefully not, but I'm sure I'll get a few hateful messages damning me to hell.

I am giving you fair warning--Do NOT read this if you are sensitive to the issue of suicide!!

Here's the deal...when I was in Georgia. I was driving to my Grandma's house and I got stopped in a line of traffic three different times. Why, you ask? Because there were tractors driving on the road--and one lawn mower. For me, this is totally understandable. And I am not much of a road rage kind of girl anyway, so this doesn't bother me at all! How can you get mad at someone who's growing food for you? I know, for those of you who do not know about farmers and think the grocery stores just magically grow your corn in the back of the store, the concept of a tractor stopping traffic may sound a little foreign but bear with me.

When I returned home to big city livin' in San Diego, I woke up to my cell phone ringing at 5AM alerting me that the Coronado Bridge was closed. This is the only efficient way to get onto the island from San Diego, so when it shuts down, its a huge deal and makes anyone who uses it to travel to work late for the day. Crossing the bridge usually takes 5 minutes. There is another route that takes an hour or so, depending on traffic--and of course, you could always take the ferry across, which leaves every couple of hours maybe. The point is, nobody wants to take the damn ferry or drive an hour out of their way to get to a place when there is a perfectly acceptable bridge that can take you there is 5 minutes!

Why was the bridge closed?? Well, this is where my blog may start to offend..

The bridge was closed because someone was standing up on it, threatening to jump the eff off. *enter long sigh here*

Before I moved to a place where this happens often, I would have been appalled at the thought of some poor, poor soul wanting to take his/her own life. And in all actuality, I still am, BUT...this shit is getting ridiculous. Now I have to tell you why I have such anger towards these people, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they cause traffic delays...all.the.time.

One sad Monday, months ago, it was raining. It had rained for two-three days here in ole' sunny CA. And if you live here, you know that when it rains, people revert to their five-year-old minds and lose all ability to operate a car. Imagine driving in a blizzard in south GA...people would panic. I mean, I remember when it snowed for 5 minutes a few years back and people dropped all their grocery bags, crashing buggies and sending tomatoes rolling across the floor, running towards the doors in order to get a glimpse of this thing called frozen water falling from the sky.

Anyway, I am sitting in traffic at 7:30 AM on the bridge which is eliciting a small panic in my own mind purely for the fact that there were billions of pounds of cars all sitting on this one slab of concrete and I couldn't for the life of my understand why were weren't all plummeting into the San Diego-Coronado Bay.

Two hours later, I arrived at my destination which should have taken me 30 minutes. I sit at work for the next fours hours and think about normal things again. Just a regular ole' day. Then, I got back into my car and started the drive home. It was sunny by this point so I figured that all the chaos from the rain would be over by now.

I sat in traffic again. For another hour, I inched along the 5 trying to get back to my house. I crept...and I inched...and I stopped...and I crept some more along the road...until I came to this bridge.

This picture is not from that day, but just picture rounding that little curve and looking over to your right and seeing a dead body laying there--right.outside.your.window.

I am so not trying to be insensitive to the issue of suicide. Really, I'm not. If I ever saw someone trying to hurt themselves, I'd do everything I could to help them. With that being said...

WHAT THE F&^K???

I am crazy enough without this kind of stuff happening in my vicinity. There is a reason I am not a coroner, or a police officer, or a doctor. I do not want to see dead bodies! Especially when I am not even expecting it!! If I were to ever, ever be okay with seeing a sight like this, I need a warning people--Like a funeral announcement! It has taken me months to get over this! I need therapy for a lot of other things, and this really almost sent me over the edge. Here is where my anger comes in...it is sad enough that suicide is a reality. It is. But how do you think that affects the people left here still breathing?? It angers me. I heard a story just the other day about a little girl who was in a boat with her family under the bridge one day that a man jumped off. She is traumatized to say the least. How the hell do you get over being splashed in the face by that?! 

The point is not to make you cry or anything. The point people, is to tell you not to get angry at the tractors driving on the road in south GA. It could be worse. Just saying.

Happy Wednesday!

Georgia, Feathers, and Job searching

After taking a tiny hiatus from job searching here in mother-effing-no-one-will-hire-me California to visit Georgia for a week, I am back on it today. And let me just tell you, I am so over it. No, really. It is draining the very life out of me. I mean, how long can one person actually fill out these damn applications and rewrite resumes and write cover letters to companies who, I am convinced do not even look at this shit!!!  The thing I love the best is when you spend 3 hours completing the online application and you click submit only to see a page pop up that says "Internet Explorer cannot find this page" or something like that---and when you click "refresh" or the demon "back" button, all your information is lost. Holy flipping crap. After this happens, my eyeballs are burning from staring at the computer all day, my mascara is smeared from frustrated tears, my head is pounding, and now each one of my hairs are detaching themselves from my scalp to avoid me ripping them out.

But hey! Nobody likes a negative Nancy and I am sure most of you have blissfully perfect jobs, so let's talk about something different. I had a great time in Georgia. I was so happy to see familiar things and trees and green grass, that I cried. And I felt like am a freaking moron. I am not kidding, the little plane landed in little bobo Valdosta, and there I sat, tearful. I quickly got over it though. And the trip helped me to stop salivating to move back there. I will always have a special place in my heart for "home", but dear Jesus, nothing has changed which is I guess depressing and endearing all at once.

I saw some very good friends, my mama, and my Grandma and loved every minute of it.


We spent the weekend in Jacksonville, celebrating my bestie's Bachelorette Weekend, which was super fun.

I missed my little munchkins though! They clearly missed me as well, judging by their perfect contentedness in the pictures.

I know everyone is needing a Zeus and Fritz update. We had to give in and give Zeus a blood test to see what the hell he is allergic to. It is driving him (and me) crazy. The vet called the other day with his results.

dust mites

fleas

mold

ORANGES

FEATHERS

Are you serious? I mean, the first three I can see, but oranges? and feathers? That's just weird. And this doesn't include food allergies. The vet recommends avoidance therapy. Move over Albert Einstein, our Vet is coming through....

While I was in Georgia, Luke decided to try to train Fritz to stay out of his kennel during the day. He has always freaked out, ripped things up, and barked hysterically before when we leave him out of his kennel, but we have been doing it occasionally here for short periods of time. Aside from my rookie mistake of taking a pop tart out of my purse and leaving it on the bed one night (yes, I still eat pop tarts, bitch please!) Anyway, I came home to find little pieces of wrapper everywhere, crumbs spread over every inch of our bed, and not one piece of pop tart to be found. When I showed Fritz the wrapper and asked him if he did this, he paused with a paw in midair and stayed that way for a good 5 seconds, just staring at me. He knew he was caught. Of course, I was worried that he ate all that sugar. I slept with one eye open, which was good since he decided to throw up all over my closet. 

Thankfully, I learned my lesson from that one and Luke doesn't leave any stray pop tarts around the house, so he has been fine. But I have no doubt that he will surprise me again soon. Hopefully not today though.

Gay Marriage and Dog Breeds

I am quite sure that I will perhaps regret writing this post, but I'd really like to hear some opinions.

Unless you have recently visited Pluto, you have probably heard the recent commotion about gay marriage. I know I have. Everyone is real, real angry at North Carolina right about now. I've seen people talking about this issue, then leave the conversation and immediately stick their finger in an electrical outlet and start eating erasers off of pencils. Its bad out there.

The point is, they are frazzled and pissed!

While I know there are varying opinions from here to there and all in between, in a recent conversation, someone said that they just wanted it to be called something different if two men or two women were to wed. Like, not "marriage". These people can be married in their opinion, but they have to make a new word for it because "marriage" is taken damnit! **and then they threw their lollipop in the dirt and stomped away** Now, with the risk of getting anthrax mailed to me, I'll say my opinion on the issue.

 I don't care who gets married. As far as the religious standpoint; well, "us religious people" can't pick and choose what we want to uphold from the Bible, in my opinion. Sorry. Would I love for everyone to live exactly as God would like us to live? Yes. But I'd also like 765 billion to magically appear in my bank account tonight also and well, that's not going to happen. Nobody, even the most religious people in the world, knows exactly how God wants us to treat other people, so we have to just do the best we can. I care a whole lot more about abortion and the death penalty than I do if a man wants to sign a freaking piece of paper and marry another man. Or woman and woman. Gah, I always feel like I have to be all-inclusive. But let me tell you, its all fun and games until the marriage certificate is signed! ;)

BUT, I can see the point of the person who just wants it to be called something different. I know, you just slammed your hands on your keyboard and started sweating when you just read that, but come on. It is kind of like calling all dogs Miniature Schnauzers. I mean, not all dogs are schnauzers. Some are German Shepherds and some are Poodles. Okay, now you're really mad because I've made a dog comparison. I just said I didn't care who got married or on what planet they chose to live!

So, do you think the nation could stop ripping each other's heads off if gay marriage was simply called something different? What's your opinion? Why? And yes, I realize there is much more to the issue than just what its called. But this is my blog and I run the discussion around here! Its not a democracy. Hehe. Kidding sheesh. Lawdamercy its always something around here. (America) If we're not mad about the war and the economy, then its gas prices, and if its not gas prices, its how much Beyonce spent on a room to birth her blue baby or that Octomom had 8 babies while she was on welfare or how much New Jersey paid for Whitney Houston's funeral. I wonder if we will ever just calm the eff down?

And, can I just add that I haven't stopped laughing at Obama since he decided today that he supports gay marriage. I'll back that up with the fact that I've been at work and haven't been able to read or watch the news, so perhaps there is something I'm missing, but I am pretty sure that he just realized this is an election year. I felt sorry for people who fell for his exquisite speaking ability and charming personality during the last election year and I feel sorry for them now. Bless.

Okay, now that I've made you mad...ta-ta! Delete me if you have to! And for the record, I love Jesus and I love human rights! (Not as much as animal rights, but still...)

I sing to my fish

Today I was talking to a friend, who like me, is living away from her family and friends. We talk often about our struggles with finding a "home" where in fact, a home isn't. We both realize we should be able to feel comfort and contentment since we are with the person that we love and both have talked about our guilt for not being the best at adjusting to new places. And we also tend to talk about the end of the world and how we are at a weird place in our lives. On Fridays, we both make up award ribbons for our significant others for dealing with us. Okay, not really, but maybe its something I'll ponder when I finish pondering 3,243 other things.

Come on give me a break. I have two very demanding dogs, one fish that won't eat his food unless I'm singing to him, borderline hypochondria (says some...I vehemently deny this), germophobia, fears galore---including natural disasters, life after death, and choking my husband on the dry chicken breast I gave him for dinner---On top of these, I try really hard to be semi-normal for at least 3 days a week in the presence of my husband. You try living in my world and see if you don't sit in the corner drooling.

Anyway, the point of this blog is because my conversation with my friend today included worrying. She was worrying about what the future will bring. I worry about everything too, maybe that's why we are friends? No, I'm friends with her because she is pretty. Just kidding! Lawdamercy, calm down.

I worry about whether the world will ever have peace. I worry about the fate of animals and children in sad situations.  I worry about if Louie the First (our fish) has a big enough bowl or is happy swimming alone in his bowl all day. I worry big and small. I also am worried at this particular moment because Husband thinks that the Krispy Cream doughnuts that we bought on Saturday are no longer good. There are two left and he wants to throw them away. So today, I am worried that he will beat me home and chunk the little pieces of bliss before I can get home to save them. See? It's a jungle in here. (meaning my mind.)

I've gotten off topic again. Geez. The point is!!!...**now I'm stopped to remember what the point really was**...Okay, so about worrying: Worrying is not something I feel that I will be able to ever stop. As I'm sure many of you have finished this thought for me and added the thought that I should probably be committed to a room with cushioned white walls for the remainder of my days which is valid. But, shockingly enough, I don't worry about the future of my life and where its going. I think about it. But I can't say that I dwell on it much. I know my husband is shaking his head as he reads this because he is quite the little future-planner. Which can account for why he had to teach me what an IRA was and how I should have a lot more money in my non-existent one at this point in my life. IRA? or IRS? Crap.

Anyway. Pretend we are in a jungle (which = life in this example, not my mind as refered to in the example above). I tend to float about through the trees kind of like one of those fluffy little white things that float through the air and go where the wind blows them, bouncing about and saying "Wheeeeeee" and only stopping to enjoy a quick nap on a glorious tree limb with my koala friend. While Husband brings an army, a backhoe, an oil drill, night-vision goggles, an architect, a 7 year supply of food and water, and a Chuck Norris pocket knife with him. So as you can see, there is a slight bit of a difference here.

I have gotten to where I am in life not because I planned it out to the minute, and truthfully, I am quite lucky to be where I am especially with my dreamer mentality. During my conversation with my friend, I was telling her that I used to question that saying "What's meant to happen, will happen." I mean, it sort of makes you want to karate-chop it most of the time doesn't it? Especially when you're sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire...in the pouring rain...when you should be at an interview....for a job that you need...to buy bread. BUT, I *think* that I believe the saying. I don't know what my life holds for me. I don't know where its going and where it will lead and what I'll have to go through to find out. And right now, it really doesn't necessarily make sense to me and I ask myself a lot what I should be doing and what the point of all this is. But, a little tiny voice in the back of my head tells me someday it will. Someday I'll know. Now whether or not that voice is one of my undiagnosed split personalities, I do not know. Its probably another thing I should ponder though.

If you find yourself in a situation or a part of life that is totally confusing and you wonder why you even came through the birth canal...know that you aren't alone. At least two other people on the planet feel the same way as you! (me and the other person that whispers to me...just kidding!! don't call the mental health authorities!)

I am a firm believer that your plans for life are just that...plans. Just because you plan every step out doesn't mean that's what will actually happen. I think God has a plan (or Mother Nature..or the Universe...or Buddha..I mean, I can't go on forever people, just insert your higher power here and don't be offended). My Grandma would drop her cinnamon bun and do a flip in her recliner if she knew I included all those names. :-/ This blog has an open-mind, Grandma!!

Finishing up, I look back at my life the last ten years; a life that I am often criticized for and poked fun of a little, mainly for taking forever to finish college, hiding under beds when there was a decision to be made, avoiding choosing a career, eating Cheetos for lunch, and not planning for my future. Sounds bad, I guess. I stayed in relationships longer than I should have and went out at night when I should have stayed home and read books like "How To Be An Adult 101...for Dummies...I'm looking at YOU, Jenny" I know I didn't plan, but even with my floating through my twenties, I am exactly where I probably should be even if I don't understand it.

 (Not saying I wouldn't love to be a famous writer already husband-who-is-appalled-at-my-IRA-account-balance! Err, uhh hmm, love you. See you when I get home. What would you like for dinner? Perhaps some extra dry chicken?)

But if I would have changed one little thing about my past, I wouldn't be who I am now. I wouldn't have grown into the person I am. So I try to keep that in mind these days, as I sit, staring at doorknobs in my house and worrying about the fact that they don't match the towel rods in the bathroom, wondering what the point of all this is. I know life is taking me somewhere. And I know I'll figure it out when I get there.

Now, I hope you feel better about your life. That's my good deed for the day. Carry on.

2012 Walk for Animals

Okay peeps, this weekend was the San Diego Humane Society and SPCA's annual Walk for Animals. It was so much fun and is such a great cause.

Thank you to everyone who donated to this walk!! I am insanely appreciative! :)

As many of you know, I am team animal. As in, team Edward/whats-the-wolf-guy's-name? in Twilight or team Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie. But instead, in my world its team Human and team Animal. I know, I know, most of you just fell off your stools. How could I possibly be a real live human and choose the animal team? There are many reasons actually. People, in general, tend to just suck balls to me. I think driving in traffic is a great example of the human race. People are pissed, screaming at each other from the comfort of their own metal safety-zone, with raging blood pressure, every time someone changes lanes in a manner that they don't agree with. It's comical really. I am sort of a grandma driver, so people are always pissed at me and my car. I look in my rear view mirror and oftentimes have to let out a little chuckle as I see the person behind me banging their poor steering wheel to death, red-faced and sweaty, all because I didn't turn at the red light in time. On a certain trip to LA, there was a car behind me with 3-4 men inside. As my cousin and I sit at a green light, waiting for a break in traffic to turn left, the light turns red and I do not go. Isn't that what everyone does? I mean, I am pretty sure we learned in Kindergarten when we played that game "Red-light, Green-light" that red=stop. Duh?! Well, these particular men obviously did not play that game because they were in a raging fury that I didn't run the red light so they could go. Complete with bulging forehead veins and all, they proceed to scream and cuss at me from their car. Then...wait for it...they start making sexually obscene hand gestures at us. (Use your imagination) Seriously, do I need to say more? Humans can be quite nasty, and I have NEVER in my life, seen a dog attack a human because they didn't cross the street when they deemed necessary. Case closed.

But hey, events like the dog walk this weekend help me to restore a few slivers of faith in humanity and allow me to continue meandering about the world instead of retreating to a hidden farm and trying to teach chickens how to write and dogs how to chop vegetables.

Zeus and Fritz had a wonderful day among peers. There were over 1000 dogs in attendance and if you know Fritz's history, that was a risky environment to put the demon into, but he actually did super and only snapped at 3-4 dogs the entire day.

Fritz, on his best behavior at the beginning of the walk.
 He's more angelic for Luke than he is for me. *eye-roll*

This is a pig...by the way.

Me and Zeuser, ready to start the walk.

And we're off.
Dog lovers unite ;)

Almost there!
Zeus and Fritz's first dog walk for a cause!

We're done.
And Fritz refused to show anything but his booty to the camera.
My apologies.

Vendor Village and Doggie Activity Booths

There were lots of vendors here and some activity centers for the dogs; including "Bobbing for Franks", "Paw Prints" (dip your dog's paw in paint then put it on a paper), and "Recall Races". 

Zeus and Fritz both participated in the races. They hook them up to really long leashes and the owner goes to the end of a pathway. The dog is timed on how fast he/she gets to the owner/finish line.

Zeus is getting hooked up and ready for the race!
Please disregard that Fritz is in a fight with his leash.

So, I went to the end of the path and Zeus saw me, but was being held until the timer started. When the time had been started he bolted towards me. I mean, like cheetah-after-his-dinner bolted. It was hilarious. He made it to me in 2:10 seconds. Fritz got all hooked up and ready, set, go...and as you can imagine, he trotted off the entire path and meandered for a second before slightly jogging toward me. I think his time was around 4 seconds. Bless his little non-conforming, non-competitive heart.

As for the results, Zeus beat every other dog's time. Can you even believe it? My little sweet mini schnauzer had the fastest time in the race! :)) So proud! I clearly failed him by not putting him in races before, BUT his name isn't Zeus Lightening for nothing ;)

   

"What?! I WON?! You're kidding!?"

"Yayyyyyyy! Victoryyyyy" *smiles*

Thoughts for Thursday

We've been living in California for almost 6 months now and time has seriously flown by. Six months in Korea was like 4 years in America. Although, I must say that CA seems a bit like another country to me as well. People are constantly asking me how I like it...and if you know me, you know I can't really lie very well. The truth is that it's fine. I certainly do not see what all the hype is about. It's actually pretty chilly here to me, mainly at night and the "sunny" portion of "Sunny southern California" has missed a significant amount of work these past months. As of yet, I am baffled as to why its called sunny socal. Regardless, its a really nice place to live, especially Coronado. BUT...

I miss Georgia! I miss the trees, the grass, the night sounds, the houses, the people (wait, no..some of them)...I don't know. I am sure I am glamorizing it, but I guess that happens when you have been gone from "home" for two years. I'm still fairly new to the Air Force way of life, so I am not so go-with-the-flow as some of the more seasoned wives. I love that I have the opportunity to see and experience new places (since I was always that girl who wanted to leave GA forEVER for big city life...Ha!) but I guess we as people, tend to not appreciate or understand what we love and what we have until we don't have it anymore.

Moving on...

Zeus and Fritz update...

Fritz continues to pick fights with pit bulls and other horse dogs at Dog Beach, so we haven't been there very much lately. Cesar Millan, if you're ever in the neighborhood, feel free to come by and do some whispering to a certain 14 pound schnauzer who clearly has a demon possessing him. He also gets very spooked around kids which is not ideal. Going further, Fritz jumped up on the ledge of our rooftop patio, sending me into a frenzy. I mean, picture walking a tight rope and that's what he was doing. He got out of our gate and was trotting down our street following Luke to work one day, and has decided that he will only eat dinner in the middle of the night. In his downtime, he likes to hide behind the couch cushions...

Zeus had a hard time for awhile, one because his brother limits his ability to go to the dog park, and two he has allergies. Apparently, he is allergic to California. Hmm. The vet thought it was his food, so we changed his food a billion times. We are off of poultry, grains, and gluten for him, so we had to try the more rare proteins like venison, rabbit, and kangaroo. Wow. He is not only allergic, but incredibly stubborn and picky, so for a few days he wasn't eating. He does not appreciate the raw foods diet...or either he doesn't appreciate rabbit. Not sure which it is, but after his starvation bout, we brought home several different foods and put it all down and let him choose which one he wanted.

You mean all pet owners don't do this?

This was one of my low points during his hunger strike. Yes, I fed my dog with a fork. While sitting on the ground with him. Begging him to eat the rabbit.

He settled on the venison and sweet potato combo...for those of you dying to know. Haha!

Zeus' vet also scared me to death with a certain blood test that he had to have. Please catch yourself up on the story by reading this little nifty post. The blood test came back that he had NO ANTIBODIES for PARVO. Holyyyyy balls! He was not allowed to go outside except to potty and not allowed to be anywhere where there were other dogs (aside from Fritz). It was a terrible couple of months worrying about him. He had to get the parvo vaccine and then wait two weeks to take another blood test. This blood test would get sent to "one of the leading immunologists in the country" according to my vet, who would do research on Zeus' blood and let me know the results in two weeks. Seriously, high maintenance dog! If he turned out to be a "non-responder" then he would most likely get the virus and die. Thankfully, the test came back that he DOES indeed have enough antibodies to fight the virus. Happy day for me!!..and Zeus, who went to dog beach that day! All this kind of made me want to throw something at my vet though. She is so dramatic about everything!

I think that's about it for now...except that I am on my second car wreck since moving to CA. One lady backed into me...the other lady hit me from behind. Really people? Get off my balls.

One other thing...this Saturday is the 2012 Walk for Animals which we all will be in attendance...Zeus, Fritz, my I-inherited-two-dogs-and-now-I-have-to-go-to-all-these-animal-events-and-smile-because-it-makes-my-crazy-wife-happy-not-to-mention-all-the-donations-to-pets-in-need-that-comes-from-my-bank-account-mysteriously-husband, and myself will all be there with bells on at 7 AM. If you feel like donating to my walk, which, I mean, of course you do!!...here is the link :))

http://www.sdhumane.org/site/TR/Events/General?px=1576111&pg=personal&fr_id=1090

Tootles! 

Sassy Suggestion Quatre

I feel its time for me to continue with my making-2012-count theme since I am not dying after all. Phew! And for the record, no one ever told me I was dying...except for Dr. Google which I happened to listen to more so than say....my real Dr's.

Anywho, folks. The point is, I don't have any excuses at the moment as to why I can't continue to be a productive part of society. And you don't either! So, put that tub of ice cream down and make your mark on the world! And by mark, I mean minuscule-smaller-than-microscopic-mark. But let's not get caught up in the details...size doesn't matter, err...umm, some sizes matter...orrr, ugh whatev. You know what I'm trying to say.

Sassy Suggestion 4

  I found out about this little pumpkin pie organization through Fairy DogParents. It is a place that rescues senior dogs called Muttville.org, Senior Dog Rescue. How sweet is that?! They are in the running for $10,000 that will go to their organization to help them continue to help older dogs. What if nobody wanted you because you were getting old?? Hmm, we would be expecting someone to help us wouldn't we?? Most of the time, that someone comes in the form of a lawyer suing the pants off our ex-husbands after they leave us for a younger woman, but in this case, it happens to be this little gem of an organization.

Do it in the name of everyone who ever has and ever will get abandoned because their face is falling...or just do it because you think it is unfair that dogs get put to sleep simply because they are a little older.

All you have to do is click the link for >>> Muttville.org and watch the slideshow. The number of views will help them win the contest for the $10K.

Please be a doll, or a ken, and help these sweet dogs. If you don't, I will believe that you also wouldn't help a sweet old lady trying to cross the road. And furthermore, I will believe that you would steal her purse as she crosses.

Thankyoucomeagain.

It's me again...read crazies here!

In case you were wondering where the world's biggest cynic has been (yea right...), don't wonder any longer, because I'm going update you in the next few blogs. And I'll even add a few pictures in for those of you that get bored with my long-winded descriptions of how insane I am!

It has been really busy. It's funny that when we lived in Korea, not one person boarded that 16 hour flight to hell and showed up on our doorstep all bright-eyed and smiling, but let us move to Southern California and relatives and friends are coming out of the wood works with their little rolling suitcases and flippy floppies. You would think we suddenly ran into some money or something because of the cousins I have been informed I have that are wanting to "reconnect" (umm, I am pretty sure in order to "re" connect, you have to have connected at some point or at least have known they existed). Anyway, the point is...we've had some visitors. And after the bitter cold Korean year that left me quite perplexed as to why every time I asked a friend or family member about coming to visit us, I heard a faint sound of crickets chirping on the other end of the phone, followed by the line going dead (You know who you are, bitches!), I have to admit that its been nice having long lost family show up at the airport in San Diego.

But, really, this hotel is booked! So if you're planning on making a trip, call us and get a reservation first.

Moving on....

In case you have been worried about my impending death (due to my breakdown in this blog)...don't worry, I am actually okay. After thousands of tests (5) on my pancreas. Bleh, don't even like the stupid word anymore. I mean, really, who has an issue with their pancreas?? It was ridiculous and I was honestly embarrassed that I owned this so-called body of mine for a hot minute. Anyway, not to bore you with the gore, but basically, I could have either had cancer (holyy balls!) or just born weird..and all sorts of things in between. So, after some really nerve wracking tests and waiting for the results, I learned that I was just born different. Really? Tell me something I didn't know, Dr. But it turns out, that along with my less-than-normal-brain-that-makes-me-strange, my pancreas decided to get on board the crazy train and be a little different too. I have something 10% of people have, with symptoms that 1% percent of those 10% of people have. Wow. So, I'm basically an anomaly, born straight from Pluto or something. Pshhht. Whatever. And to top it off **close your ears boys** I have to have surgery on my flipping female parts because they are apparently retarded too. Woo whoo! I am so excited to be me. Again, whatever. I'm just thankful nothing is killing me at this point. And if you have any time, thoughts are well wishes should go to my husband...who has endured many nights of google (that is, I sat at the computer and googled my symptoms, then cried hysterically at the possibilities of dying and leaving Zeus and Fritz alone...Wow.) Next, you should think about my poor mother, who got phone calls in the middle of the night on her side of the country with me in the lobby of a hospital crying and refusing to drink this disgusting substance I had to drink in order for the Dr to perform my tests...and by crying I mean, complete with cuss words and hanging up on her...Listen, I have warned every single one of you that I am crazy, so please don't even look at me like that. Next, My mother-in-law has gotten her fair share of freak out phone calls of me planning my funeral. Finally, my nurse Kathy that went above and beyond with talking me off the ledge numerous times throughout this process (only after my poor husband had to call her almost weekly to tell her what a babbling lunatic I was being).

Geez...so anyway...while my family members didn't get any gifts of appreciation, I did make a little gift for my nurse. Isn't is so cute!? :) She is amazeballs.

(Not that you aren't, husband, mother-in-law, and Mommy!) But you get plenty of love all the time from me!...keep repeating that yourselves!

Check back for updates on recent travels....and!!...

Zeus and Fritz!! They are much more entertaining than I am anyway.

***edited to add, and rolling my eyes while doing it, we love having visitors. geez people. laugh much?***

Just another day...being crazy.

This past summer, Zeus and Fritz were due for their rabies vaccination. Zeus is 5 and Fritz is 2 so this wasn't the first time they'd had it, so I wasn't even the slightest bit nervous.Well, fast forward to 5 minutes after the shot...Fritz was staring at me like usual wondering when we were going home, but Zeus got super sick really fast. First he started scratching his face like crazy, then he threw up...everywhere, then he just laid down. The vet was luckily still in the room and gave him medicine to counteract the vaccine because he was having an anaphylactic reaction to the rabies shot. Poor baby! It was so scary...the vet said he could have died. He bounced back pretty fast after the benadryl and steroid shot, but the same cannot be said for me. I am now scarred for life.

This week, they were due for two more vaccines. I was literally nervous all day and yes, you know by now that I am usually nervous about something and if there is nothing to be nervous about, I create something in my head. But this time, I felt certain that my nerves were justified. Zeus got one vaccine, but not the two he was due for because the vet was worried about another reaction so he had to get a blood test to test his antibodies for the parvo/distemper vaccine that they were scared to give him. If he has enough antibodies from his last shot, then he won't need another shot. High maintenance?? Yes, that is an understatement with the grey dog.....

Now to the black demon...

He got his vaccine and like always was unfazed...until we got home. Not to be outdone by his brother, he threw up 3 times in 5 minutes. At this point, my insanity kicked in and I am freaking out because I knew that when Zeus had his reaction, it got very bad, very fast. And all I could think of was that my sweet black furry little demonic dog was going to die. So, I call my vet's office that I just literally left like 5 minutes prior and of course, they don't answer as I am sure that 4:59 PM rolls around and they all flee out the door like a bomb will go off in the building if they don't get out before 5PM. When they don't answer, my head pops off and starts bouncing through our house. I mean, I know I am crazy, but I just can't stop the massive panic that has begun. I think as my head is rolling around our living room, I probably just kept repeating omg, omg omg. It seems a little much looking back, but at the time, it felt necessary. All the while, Luke is just standing there staring at me, trying to be the voice of reason. But the problem with his voice of reason was that he was so calm. He said, "Jenny, just calm down and call the emergency number the vet gave you." It was at this point that my spastic head, popped a wheelie on the kitchen floor and then turned red with anger. "Don't tell me to calm down! You don't even care that Fritz might die!" Geez. Uncalled for! But, I will say that when someone, like me for example, is overcome with worry...I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that telling them to calm down may not be the best solution. I know it seems logical and all, but it actually has the opposite effect on me, personally.

So, I called the emergency number that the vet had given me in case Zeus had a reaction. *sigh* They said to bring him in.

We get on the stupid California freeway and of course, we sit in traffic for 30 minutes just to go three miles. Luke is holding Fritz and he just looks pitiful; Zeus is in the backseat looking at me like I'm an alien. And Luke is probably beside himself because he married such a lunatic, but thankfully doesn't say that.

After driving almost to flipping Mexico, we get to the emergency vet and not only does Fritz suddenly perk up, but starts wagging his little devil tail almost as if he is proud of himself for causing such a panic. We opt out of the $150 fee to take his doggie blood pressure and get back in the car and go home. While he was laid out in Luke's lap the entire time we drove to the vet, on the way home he sat up and looked out the window and growled at people in the cars next to us...


Not only do I feel like a totally unstable excuse for a person, but Luke witnessed the disaster that was me and well, that's a little embarrassing. Luckily, we are married and he can't just walk in the opposite direction as me and pretend he doesn't know who I am! Ha.  

He not only acts like a demon, but looks like one too!

Human or dog?...Human dog!

How can you not love this little baby dog?!? This is what I woke up to this morning :))

Sassy Suggestion Trois

Not that I'm feeling extra giving or thoughtful or charitable lately, (read why here), but occasionally, I do come out of my dark-filled room where I pout and collect chocolate wrappers. Surprising, I know. Ehh, anyway, the point is....even when stupid/bad/sad things are happening, I (we all) have things to be thankful for. And let me tell you, I know there are people much less fortunate than me. So its time to remember that 2012 is supposed to be about being happy and making the world better in some way. At least for me it is, which is why I write this stuff. So, in order to keep my agenda, I've left my pile of Snicker's minis and my spot in the corner today. Yes, I eat minis so that I can have more than 15 of them and still feel like I have only actually eaten one candy bar. Oh come on, pick your jaw up. There are more important things to do than to plan a chocolate intervention on me today!

Sassy Suggestion 3

1) Donate you old, dirty shoes to Nike! They reuse your shoes for building things like playgrounds. If you don't want to help build a playground then you shouldn't smile, ever again! If you don't have any old shoes, then you are forgiven. This is so easy and I have stared, drooling at my pile of old shoes for so long and just had no idea what to do with them except Goodwill or the trash can. And I'm kind of over Goodwill right now. Just kidding, calm down. But I do think that maybe being a little more creative with your shoes is better.

2) Since I have been in a cloudy mood, well, forever now....Haha, nooo, for a couple of weeks, I need to focus on the reasons why my life is great. And honestly, there are so many reasons. So today, and for as many days in 2012 as you can, you should take a minute to be thankful for what you have. And yes, I know we all do that in November by celebrating the fact that we completely STOLE America from the Indians. And really, as great as that whole thing is and was, I'm thinking something a little different. Maybe you have a mansion, be thankful biatch! (rolling my eyes!) Maybe you live in a shack but have a nice bootay, be thankful biatch! Maybe you have a wonderful husband or maybe you have a father that loves you or maybe you aren't homeless or lonely. Whatever it is, I am sure that you have something that makes you smile every single day. Let's dwell on those things for a while instead of all the bobo things. (repeating this to myself 10 times)

"The key to happiness is realizing that it's not what happens to you that matters, it's how you choose to respond." *Keith Harrell (duh! just a reminder)

"Giving...is a way of saying thank you to the world, and also a way of saying please. A pure, charitable gift will always be returned-many times over." *Suze Orman

Over. It.

Do you ever feel like your body is failing the shit out of you?? I mean, not just failing you, but really, really punching you with a fist full of suck right in the middle of your stomach?

No? Well, good for you. Bleh. Yes? Me too!!

This past month has been one of the most scary/disappointing/trying/emotional stupid months I have had in a long time. No, I don't feel like detailing it. I'm fine and I'm sure I'll blog your heads off about it later, but for now, I'll just say test after test after test for varying reasons and I am over it. And while there has been some good news to come out of the tests, its mostly just "This isn't normal." "This isn't working correctly." "This is doing a back flip in your stomach instead of the front flip that we like to see this particular organ doing." And blah blah blah.

Anyway, I thought that perhaps some of you have wanted to trade out your body for a different one before and wanted you to know that you are, in fact, not alone.

Ugh. Putting up my two middle fingers today. And, its raining.

Sassy Suggestion 1- update

Do you have one of these??

Yes?!?! No?!

NO?!?!?!

Well, you might as well just go ahead and flush 2012 down the drain because you are clearly blowing it.

Just kidding! Phew...aren't you glad?! Because I am sure that you just haven't gotten around to logging onto http://fairydogparents.org/ yet because you have been so extremely busy planning your Gramma Pearl's 114th birthday celebration. But I am equally as certain that TODAY was Gramma's big bash and that as soon as you tuck her into her flannel pj's that you got her for her birthday, you are going to help these sweet little animals and their owners.

And as IF you need any additional motivation...you actually get wings for doing this. So, just picture yourself as the next VS supermodel strutting the runway in a huge pair of angel wings and I'm sure that will light some fire under your slacker arse. 

Yes, I only donated $10!! I didn't say you had to give an arm to these people, geez. Any organization that sends you a handwritten thank you note is probably worth the dollars you were going to spend on a pack of donut holes and a coffee.